Gender Expectations

[mytime]

This is kind of a spin off of Genderqueer thread. I started thinking about expectations of gender and specifically how that applies to me and was wondering how you all feel like it applies to you.
For me, I grew up as a country bumpkin. My family worked me in the hay fields and such like I was a full grown man, from the time I could reach the pedals on the tractor. They also paid me like I was a full grown man. As a teen, before I went out and about, I had to get off my tractor, sharpen my blades for the next day, fuel up my tractor for the next day, take a shower and then go out. My mom would always (and still does) remind me to put on a little lipstick before I went anywhere. I used to be embarrassed by the muscles and tan lines I had.
Now I am still expected to do those more typically masculine activities. As I posted in the randoms thread, my mom called me last night to tell me a calf might be coming and my mud boots were on the back porch. When a trench needs dug, wall needs ripped out, cows need fed... whatever... I am there. On the other hand I hardly lift a hand in my mom's house. She brings me coffee when I get out of the shower, packs my lunch, does my laundry and basically makes me feel spoiled. She of course also reminds me to put on lipstick wherever I go.
I am treated much more like my brother is than my older sister. When my older sister comes for a visit she isn't expected to dig or feed anything. She likes riding on the tractors but no one asks her to step down and fix the hay ring, cut the strings or mend the fence.
It's not even just about home life. At work it's pretty much the same thing. Example of when the floods hit, someone handed me a flashlight and said I needed to go out and unstop the drains. I did. I'm a nurse, I don't work on drains.
I'm not sure how much this is expectations and how much it's just how I am and people accepting me the way I am. I still wear my make-up almost every where I go.

What is your experience?

[RobinIam]

I don't know...I just think when you are capable, people just expect it of you. I don't think it is a bad thing per say..

Before my father passed (but was pretty much couch bound), I remember one fall, when I went to visit, he layed on the couch and shouted instructions at me, about what needed to be done before it got to cold, turn the water off, drain the hose, check the furnace..blah blah blah..My Mom was there, so was my brother was there, but he is a useless tit, so when my father had me for an hour..that was the end of it.

Just before Christmas, a male co-worker came in with headlight bulbs for his car, and dropped them on my desk, asked me if I would change his head light. I was dressed in business attire.

I dont think it is a bad thing, just wish i wasn't capable sometimes..

[Queen]

Robin - I agree, being capable is a huge double edged sword. We can take care of our own sh!t but are by default, expected to take care of everyone else's.

[eaglelady11]

I was a tomboy and still kind of am. part of me likes being capable, and the other part wants to be taken care of. this is where boundaries come in, not doing for someone else what they can do for themselves and not expecting somebody to do for me, what I should be doing for myself. It depends on what it is, it never hurts to be nice.

I am not girlie girl. I tried that with the dresses and the heels and the lipstick and the makeup face. I am cute enough, but it's not my source of self-esteem.

Mom asks me to do stuff around the house, but for the big jobs like plumbing and electricity, she has house insurance and calls the professionals. and I have AAA and my insurance covers flats, since I do not know how to change a tire.

[mytime]

I feel comfortable in my make-up. I like having good make-up and I love that my daughter is in cosmotology and we can do the hair/make-up and skin stuff together. Although I stay away from the nail stuff for the most part.

For me it's not about butch/femme/gender expectations so much as it is about being comfortable. I love being a woman, I love being able to do the outdoor things that I do (even though I like to take a break from it at times), I love being this blend of feminine and masculine characteristics. I also love that my friends/family and coworkers accept me for who and what I am. It's a comfort to know that they all just expect me to keep being me. It may breed an almost unhealthy confidence.

So my experience is an overal good one. My comfort= what I am= what is expected of me

[sadie_mc]

Not really sure what others expect of me. I can be girly-girl, but I can also be more masculine than the paper towel guy. People who don't know me well (at least the ignorant ones) will look at me and say, "you're too pretty! Surely you could find a guy..." whereas those who know me well will giggle uncontrollably at the thought of me with a guy, like, "omg, what would you even do with one??? Let me be a fly on the wall if it ever happens. hahaha"...point taken. I can only reflect what others' gender expecations are of me based on how they treat me, I guess. Nobody expects me to go fix an irrigation line or crawl under the house and work on the pipes. But at the same time, they don't expect me to play hostess to a candle-making party or own an issue of Cosmo.

[Lynnie]

For me, I've had to work on detangling gender identity from gender roles. I'm in a relationship with a butch-identified lesbian, but I am not "a femme." I'm feminine, but that is more of a description of how I look than who I am. Our relationship has some traditional aspects, but it is more "queer" than not. In other words, we do what we want, regardless of what anyone thinks we should do. People are always going to make assumptions that a masculine appearing woman is good at traditionally male roles or tasks, which, of course, isn't always true. But, it's sometimes true, and that should be OK, too. Whether we're defying OR conforming to stereotypes, self-expression is nobody's business but our own.

[TerribleStorm]

When I was younger, I used to shave my head and I wore boy's clothes, but I also used to curl the hair that I did have, wore nail polish, etc. I did wear dresses sometimes.

I wasn't taught to be capable. I was taught to study and when I finally was on my own, I couldn't do anything for myself. I was very dependent on my husband to do everything for me. I couldn't even perform basic domestic tasks except for laundry when I first moved out of my parents' house. I don't know, I guess my parents didn't think it was as important as studying. I'm not very good at some "girlie" things like sewing or putting on makeup.

Now I have let my kids learn to cook, clean, etc. from a young age so that when they get on their own they can make a bed, do a load of laundry without ruining it, mop a floor, and feed themselves. I don't care if it's the boy or the girl, they need to learn these things, which my former husband didn't agree with, but then again, that dude is the BEST damn house cleaner I have ever met. He can get down with a mop and some Mr. Clean. The only problem is that he views it as being "beneath him" and not his responsibility b/c he's a man and he will attempt to pass this nonsense on to the boys I am sure.