Reply With QuoteI think a lot of people go through this during their coming out process...it would so much easier if coming out was like a light switch "IN/OUT", alas it's much more of a scale "IN...maybe I'm gay...yup, I'm gay, maybe I'll tell someone...whew told one person..."
As far as this guy goes, since your circumstances aren't permitting you to do the whole "I'm gay but your attention is sweet" thing, just treat it like you would if you were still straight and not interested in him.
July 28, 2010
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Thread: Friendship Frustration
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February 6th, 2010 09:40 pm #1
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- Jan 2010
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Friendship Frustration
So someone told me tonight that a good friend of mine really, really likes me and has for a few months now. The problem is that it's a guy. I don't even think of him that way obviously, and I'm not sure I would if I was straight, but it had occurred to me a few times that maybe he likes me. Then I thought it was my ego, and I didn't think about it in depth.
I'm not sure what to do with this information. Coming from the background we come from (we have the same ultra-conservative religious background), men and women don't talk about sexual stuff with one another and people especially don't talk about being gay. The last few years of my life have been major upheaval as far as moving around, being shunned from my religious community, being threatened for quitting the religion, divorcing, etc. This is like... I don't need something else on my plate, in a way. The people who stuck by me, like this person, are people who also quit religion or are real true blue friends. And it's not that many people!
I've only told my very best female friends and my best best friend (a guy) about being gay. I don't want to discuss my business with everyone. I won't even know what to do if this guy says something to me. My friend told me he told him that he should just get past it and not potentially ruin the friendship, but what if he decides to take a chance? If I just tell him, "No you're not my type" he'll think I'm rejecting him based on something with him. LOL in this case it really is me, not him. I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I don't want to lose him as a friend. I guess it's obvious that I can just say "Aw that's nice, but uh, I like girls." I guess I'm a little ticked off that it keeps coming up where I feel like I'm forced to tell people my business instead of doing it in my own time, esp when I'm still trying to catch my breath from the financial ass whupping I've taken with this divorce business.
Anyway, did this ever happen to anyone else here when they weren't totally out to everyone?
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February 7th, 2010 04:23 am #2
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February 8th, 2010 09:52 am #3
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Personally, I don't think you need to do anything concerning this guy. If he's really interested in you, I'd wait to hear that from him directly. When the info is coming to you second hand it may not be completely accurate, and you really have no idea what his intentions are. Maybe he does "like" you, but maybe he's already decided he doesn't want to do any thing about it. And if he sent or asked the other person to tell you, instead of doing it in person, I'd say that's a real sign of a lack of maturity.
As far as telling people you're gay, there's no reason you can't handle that on a case-by-case basis. If you get asked out by a straight guy you can choose to tell him or not and find some other way to turn him down. After all, it's not like you HAVE to tell him, right? There's no rule that says he has to know about your sexual preference. Not his business unless you choose to make it so."And in the fearless, reckless pursuit of intimate love it is not the destination, it's the journey."
“Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow.” - James Dean
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February 9th, 2010 03:14 am #4
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- Jan 2010
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- 13
Yes, so far I'm deciding to just ignore it. I'm hoping that he has decided to go with the advice of "don't risk your friendship over this," since our little group of exiles is so small already. If he says something to me, then I will puzzle out at that time how I would respond to it. There's that part of me that says "Well, if he (in general any "he") knows I'm gay, then his feelings won't be hurt, b/c it's just that I'm not into any guy, rather than specifically not him" which is ridiculous and I know it's not my job to assuage someone else's feelings necessarily.
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